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twitter.com/#!/saramo
19 May 2012
High street giant Currys are not honouring Extended Warranty contracts.
3 May 2011 Goldfish AV and Amnesia
The AV debate is now over, so why are readers still reading this page from a year ago? This continues to be the most read page on Shoestringonline in May 2012. Very strange.
13 May 2012“Light Touch Regulation”
meaningless political contrivance only ever used to deceive
Pictures by Sara Monk where the TV is featured, either directly or inadvertently.
11 May 2012 LOL, DC.
10 May 2012 Prince Charles to appear on Celebrity Deal or No Deal
Recent Pictures of Leigh On Sea
9 May 2012 Mrs Monk runs through her favourite tweets over Dinner. She has taken a sharpe turn to the left. It makes you proud to be Monk. She has been taxed by the British for thirty years and has no representation. We may declare the Monk House, Independent.
7 May 2012 I sat in the car while Mrs Monk had a rare shop in Selfridges this Bank Holiday Monday. I was parked in a quiet side street obstructing nobody, but yes on a yellow line. I found myself confronted by a dripping wet traffic warden who was not in a good mood. “I don’t care if you are sitting in your car, I will take your picture and you will get it in the post”, he said.
Here we go again.
12 May 2006
DicTate
When The Tate lost the definite article, 6 years ago this week.
6 May 2012
The unMenschionable MP
Miss Mensch was out to influence either my opinions, or my loins by her picture spread in GQ.
5 May 2012 I would like to be yet another non Tory to come to the defence of Lousies Menche. It was said that many men fancied Margaret Thathcher This was not something I shared with Clive James, for example, but we should at least
Ephemera
2 May 2005
The Oysters Revenge and Life is Good Amongst the Nazi Bunkers
3 May 2012 No “R” in the month of May it seems and a reminder that we should vote today if only because we can. If you live in Leigh, I found the Liberal Democrats at least willing to address the parking issues that have occupied these pages. On an international level The Liberal Democrats stand with Labour against the Murdochs and only the Tories support the Murdochs.
1 May 2012 Should teachers be paid by results?
2 May 2012 "Of course Rupert Murdoch is fit and proper" said Louise Mensch, who put herself forward as spokesperson for the Tory block on the House of Commons, Culture Media Select Committee. She complained that the question about whether or not the Murdochs were "Fit and Proper" was not in the remit of the committee and this was not considered by the Committee. The Labour and Liberal members of the committee felt otherwise. That did not stop Louise Menche offering her partisan verdict, whilst at the same time implying that it was not partisan. Perhaps like Murdoch, she and the other partisan Tories are also wilfully blind.
Recent Pictures of London
30 April 2012 David Cameron rarely answers questions at Question Time, in Parliament, but when Dennis Skinners asked his question today about the Culture Secretary debacle, Cameron told Dennis Skinner to take his pension and resign. Cameron snarled at Dennis Skinner. Hunt laughed out loud obsequiously.
Age discrimination is supposedly taken very seriously in Employment Tribunals, but anyone over 50 should beware of the bleeding obvious and demand answers.
I had it in mind to put this movie into The Love Bucket until I got to the end of the movie and then changed my mind. The editor’s dilemma is to sort out the gush from the blush, and true love from the loose flattery of the insincere. Something we should all be doing this week of the local elections.
THE LOVE CHANNEL
subscribe, no charge...
Love is a very splendid thing. A movie called "Love" was created by us Monks at Shoestringonline. We then discovered that there were 10,729 movies on vimeo with the same title. Most seem to be syrup, or church, or just bad, or all three. Surely there would be enough to start a Love Channel. Love Channel was born, or was there already a Love Channel. Apparently not.
*****
THE LOVE BUCKET
Unlovely movies about love and a foil to the Love Channel
subscribe, no charge...if you must.
*****
28 April 2012 Occasionally, agnostics need to burn candles to supplement a failure of well being, when things are not as well as they might be. Mrs. Monk rejected the six candle candelabra purchased today as unsuitable, in favour of this kitchen table top incantation.
TV
Pictures by Sara Monk where the TV is featured, either directly or inadvertently.
25 April 2012 Jeremy Hunt receives endorsement from Cameron. and is therefore doomed. Murdoch’s biographer is out there endorsing Rupert in advance of Levenson judgement, finding him innocent before he has been found guilty.
24 April 2012 If you need to hire a car and call the number listed in Yellow Pages for Avis Southend, you will get through to someone in Coventry who will spend a great deal of time finding out that they have no car available in Southend. You will then be charged a premium for asking them that question. Avis try harder?
The Flamingo Las Vegas
5 Years ago this week, the Monks visited Las Vegas
The Daily Sketch
Something appears here most days from the prolific pen or pencil of Mrs Monk and less frequently from Mr Monk, when Mrs Monk becomes less productive.
23 April 2006 Rufus Wainwright stole my idea of getting a beautiful girl to dress as him and to pretend to sing his song. In his case Helena Bonham Carter. I had to settle for this other girl to whom I am related. He was singing about his demons and I was singing about mine. Compare and contrast if you will.
22 April 2012
Alternative Adjudicator
Southend Council : "Item of correspondence incorrect".Four miserable words that do not amount to a hill of beans.
19 April 2012 The Adjudicator
Cat Flap Charlie does not understand Gobledygook
18 April 2006 Something has gone wrong with my Web Site uploading and I cannot yet pass on important info to the victims of parking chaos in Leigh On Sea. Nice man at 1and1 Web Hosting is going to put that right very soon. Watch this space.
16 April 2006 FLAMING MACHINES AND SECRET LIPS
This day some time ago I became concerned about Mrs Monk’s CD choices. Cannot remember when we last bought a CD
10 April 2012 Mrs Monk made this sketch and a few more making her way about the Tate “Retrospective” of Damien Hirst , already a block buster. Not included are any of the recent paintings made by Hirst that were so bad that even lesser known artists like Tracey Emin and Sara Monk started to look good. Rest in Formaldehyde, Mr. Hirst.
10 April 2011
The Dark Art of the Bullying Head Teacher
Bullying of teachers by Head Teachers, swept under the carpet.
4 April 2012 They announced the hose pipe ban the day it rained. Mrs Monk had this inspired idea on how to save the rain drops and beat the drought.
Mrs Monk’s Little Red Book
2 April 2009
3 April 2012 Gove wants to raise A-level standards but is that the problem?
Bus Stop Pictures
1 April 2012 Dear Leigh Times Why does your front page article ignore the concerns of residents?
1 April 2012 Government announces plans to tax Ice Cubes because of the high energy costs of generating Ice Cubes. Ambient ice is exempt. You couldn't make it up.
1 April 2012 Government says Don’t Panic.
1 April 2012 A mophead as a hair piece put there by Mrs Monk to make me look foolish. Click on my face for some foolish music improvised one April Fools Day some time ago.
30 March 2012 The don’t panic weekend when there was no gas at the pump due to government misadvice.
27 March 2012 Andy Roddick has just beaten Roger Federer in Miami, and has only beaten him twice in twenty two attempts. Before the match Sky pundits speculated about the final gasp of Roddick’s career in Miami and the revival of Federer’s waning career which seemed in good health after last week’s result in Indian Wells. Whatever next?
19 March 2006 FASHION
Green Sock Blue Sock
25 March 2012 Seamus is Sick
A FELINE SOAP OPERETA
Part 9 & 10 Cat Catcher &The Amazing Mighty Mouse
Running and Ruining Privatisation
22 March 2012 "WHERE ARE WE? WE ARE IN SOUTHEND" running a business and ruining other business
22 March 2012 Tory friendly Daily express Headline “5M PENSIONERS ROBBED IN THE BUDGET” and made the Morning Star look almost conservative. They wrote politely with surprising restraint “A nefarious stealth tax” Not one headline favoured George Gideon Osborne.
22 March 2012 Dear Gideon Osborne, Your doppelganger George, blames the BBC for misleading the Inland Revenue, who say that Pensioners are worse off by your budget.
Therefore, the BBC have also misled the Daily Telegraph, The Independent, The Times, Sky TV, The Monks, The Guardian, Channel Four News, and even The Daily Mail.
Gideon doppelganger also wants to claim today that the well off are not advantaged by the budget cut in the high rate of tax.
So how does he raise so much cash out of thin air?
21 March 2012 Mrs Monk has been twittering on my account as if they were by me. She thinks we are like Gilbert and George and that it doesn’t matter. Approach with caution.
Motortown and the A13
12 March 2012 a confrontational brutal play about Britain..... Southend, the military Garrison of Shoeburyness and the A13
8 March 2012 Mrs. Monk rudely confronted by an opponent of this message. Southend Council agree to propose an alternative parking scheme to support blighted residents of the small hamlet of Chalkwell, near Southend, Essex. Follow these pages for continuing updates on the progress of this little local difficulty.
Dear Leigh Times
7 March 2012 two poster campaigns in the areas of Leigh and Chalkwell which is blighted by parking issues
5 March 2012 The day they filmed Putin crying, but not about the tortured and the dying in Syria.
5 March 2012 Southend Airport’s new terminal opened today. Mrs Monk is excited about European sunshine holiday destinations becoming at least four hours closer, and a great deal cheaper. Thank you Freddie Laker.
5 March 2012 British Airways has just written to me asking me to vote for them in the Freddie Awards, which is a prestigious global endorsement of the best airlines in the world. The awards are so named after the pioneer of budget airline travel, Sir Freddie Laker, who may be stirring in his grave, since he held BA and others responsible for bankrupting his airline.
3 March 2012 Federer beats Murray in ATP Dubai Final.
Wilco is better than an Octopus. Better than Sky pundits, Better than Saramo and Monkfry. But it was just a mere ATP 500.
Federer and Murray in today’s ATP Dubai Final.
Andy Murray has an 8 to 6 winning advantage over Roger Federer, and most of this was achieved during Federer’s glory years.
Egg Head Tennis Wise Wilco has spoken. ....
“Fed will win..again,” he wrote. And Wilco is more reliable than an Octopus in a fish tank.
1 March 2012 Starkey and Redwood on the same Question Time panel. What a horror show. Both say they can raise tax by reducing the high rate of tax from 50% to 40%. Poor people just dont know how to spend money to stimulate the economy according to these two Tory Boys.
1 March 2012 Cat Flap Charlie and the Mother of all Privatisation
Where are the White Van Spy Cam photographs of Mrs Monk carrying sick Charlie from the car to the house?
26 February 2012 Andy Murray is in Dubai this week. Only Rapha is missing from the line up Djokovic has been placed in Murray’s side of the drawer, and should be in Federer’s if the seeding were fair. Looks like they after a Federer / Djokovic final and are not taking Murray seriously or otherwise unwilling to treat him equitably.
26 February 2012 Mrs Monk is becoming a ferocious twitterer and enjoys teasing me with the ever increasing number of her followers. You may see what I mean if you hit the link above. Many of her followers are pole dancers, and I make no judgement about that.
Pictures by Sara Monk where the TV is featured, either directly or inadvertently.
23 February 2012 Conservative MP, Stuart Andrew received a Falkirk Facial, a variant on the Glasgow Kiss, delivered by Labour MP Eric Joyce. The bloodied Tory is complaining, because only fox blood is at all welcome on a Tory face. Time Gentleman Please. All that subsidised House of Commons beer has gone to your heads.
22 February 2012 Cameron’s “poll tax”. Blessed NHS, RIP. Today the Government NHS privatisation steamroller advances with an almighty ding dong on PMQs..
21 February 2012 American Hot
This page was posted this week 8 years ago. It was intended to explain Mrs Monk, and and my favourite pizza.
20 February 2012 This happened today: The bathroom shower would not stop working, the household boiler would not start working, the car spluttered and stalled due to a failing catalytic converter, Mrs Monk volunteered to hold a surveyors staff while I conducted a construction survey, because even Mrs Monk could hold a 6 foot stick still for 30 seconds without complaint, in my dreams. What could possibly go wrong? My 30M steel measuring tape came out of the of the end of the self rewinding case and unravelled into an unusable metallic spaghetti. What else could possibly go wrong?
The Car
Picture of cars, or from cars shot by Mrs Monk
17 February 2012 Seamus is Sick
A FELINE SOAP OPERETA
Part 8 Cat and Mouse with Charlie
9 February 2012 Paul Dacre was recalled to Levensen because he said that Hugh Grant was mendacious. He would need to prove that because if not that would be libelous. He had to be told more than once to answer questions and not speak until he was spoken too. He used the Redknapp “I know nothing” defence, and the “because I am too busy editing a National Newspaper of no repute” defense. He had a big red face throughout.
Miss Putupon’s Last Lesson
7 February 2012 200 years. This story was intended to resonate with Dickens. What would he have made of the comic Mr Pickles and the ever snarling bloated ego of Peter Hitchens.
2 February 2012
Big Questions Small Bullies two arrogant ill informed naughty grammar school boys.
2 February 2012 Huhne Faces Life? Huhne fingers Cameron, and faces Life in Prison, say BBC.
2 February 2012 Facebook goes corporate today The beginning of the end of that book of faces?
2 February 2012 British Gas speak with forked tongue, They wrote to me and said, “We've dropped our electricity prices and we now offer the cheapest standard electricity on average of any major supplier.” Double Dutch meaningless sales talk.
31 January 2012 This page was down today for 24 hours due to unknown problem with the server, 1and1.
31 January 2012 Fred The Shred lost his knighthood for wrecking the economy, and because Cameron needed a futile gesture to soothe his discomfort over the banker’s bonus issue.
Pictures by Mrs Monk selected by others
These pictures have received comment on FlickR.
They were chosen by others and not for any special qualities, but nevertheless hit some vein or other within the intercontinental audience of FlickR
30 January 2012 BBC has seemed to have lost touch with the people. They characterise Hesters loss of bonus with the bold headline,
“RBS boss Stephen Hester rejects 1m bonus”,
as if his heart were in it. Another BBC commentator suggested that a 1M bonus was “not a lot of money”.
Australian Open Top 8 Stats
By this imperfect analysis of the tournament stats Nadal posted the best stats overall by just one point over Djokovic. That will be of no comfort to Nadal, but it does show how tight it is at the top. Wilco made 5 separate predictions, and they all came true. How does he do that? He is better than the Sky pundits. If you made a prediction, thanks.
Australian Open Seeds
follow their progress during the tournament
Australian Open Predictions
by Wilco and Others. Hit the contact link, make an impressive prediction and beat the Tennis Egg Heads.
I Believe in Breakfast
28 January 2012
......and pole dancing erotic vegetables in the aisles and smiling chickens....
25 January 2012 Yesterday, Murray posted the worst 1st Serve percentage of any player in the entire tournament but still won easily. Overall he has posted better stats than Djokovic.
Australian Open Predictions
by Wilco and Others. Hit the contact link, make an impressive prediction and beat the Tennis Egg Heads.
Recent Pictures of London
Blousy Louise Mensch MP
23 January 2012 I was just admiring your pigment
23 January 2012 Berdych had a run-in with Almalgro who floored him somewhat lamely with a tennis ball. This did not impress the Aussie crowd. In compesation, Berdych leads my unique table of the elite men, here posted for what its worth.
Australian Open Top 8 Stats
Pictures of Cat Flap Charlie and Friends, snapped by Sara Monk from 2009 to 2011, are constantly added and removed from this set so his admirers, all over the world, may be frequently updated of Charlie's progress. Of this he is blissfully unaware, because he is a cat.
Panorama exploited by Jove
21 January 2012 How arrogant novices like Gove and Toby Young can find themselves with the power to defy the wishes of communities
19 January 2012 Mardy Fish has best stats of top eight at Australian Open, but loses and is now out. Might need to adjust stats format.
Australian Open Top 8 Stats
For some reason Murray again finds himself out on court nearly thrice the time of Djokovic and more than anyone else in the top eight, in the worst heat that Melbourne can provide. Nevertheless Murray is through into the second round..
Australian Open Seeds
follow their progress during the tournament
Australian Open Predictions
by Wilco and Others. Hit the contact link, make an impressive prediction and beat the Tennis Egg Heads.
People at work and at play.
16 January 2012
Hello CoOp, Goodbye AA
The Monks decided to save money and cancel our AA membership of 20 years standing, and switch to the Co Op. When I called to cancel this and my Car Insurance, also with the AA, I did not expect to get abuse, and a lecture from a mega mouth sales man. He seemed to think he had the right to demand that I listened to his sales jargon and ignore my instructions to cancel my membership.
15 January 2012
Aussie Open
15 January 2012 Mrs Monk predicts that Murray will win. Monkles is more conservative and believes he will at least reach the second week. Further predictions by Wilco and others may be forthcoming if they have the courage to put their reputations on the line. We shall see what happens, beginning tomorrow.
14 January 2012 Gove said yesterday on the BBC that teachers who complain about bullying are incapable teachers. How Kafka is that? Would love to see Gove in front of 30 pupils of my choice, not the little sweet charming year 7s, with whom he likes to pose for the BBC. Will Gove get the sack?
White Van Spy Cam Man
13 January 2012 Teacher support web sites are now rife with traumatised. teachers that have heard Michael Gove's irresponsible comments. His high profile ill informed proselytising on the subject is in itself bullying and traumatising teachers. Will Gove get the sack?
Gove’s World of Secrets
11 January 2012 Are parents misinformed by head teachers about what is happening in their schools.
9 January 2012 Key phrases from the last five tweets by the Daily Mail. Immigration to blame mother killed by pedophile spared by policeman and psychotic Peter Hitch needing vacation and medication.
9 January 2012 Peter Hitchins of the Daily Mail may well be unwell. His column in the daily mail is close to psychotic. He needs a vacation and should not forget to pack his medication.
ABSTRACT
pictures
7 January 2012 Mrs Monk is here because she gets more Twitter followers than me. She is not exactly known to me for the brevity demanded by Twitter. Cat flap Charlie could teach her a thing or two about brevity. Miaow.
7 January 2012 Cat flap Charlie has recovered, and back outside frolicking, enjoying an unseasonably good January day. Mrs. Monk still forcing antibiotics into him. Veterinary cost: 45, just below his insurance excess. What a bummer.
Gove’s Forced Academies
7 January 2012 Academies are allowed to keep big fat secrets.
Discipline in Waitrose
He could be a teacher, she said.
4 January 2012 Some of Diane Abbott's best friends are very white Tory Boys. A stupid non political tweet would not make her a racist. The rush to vilify Diane Abbott may well be so.
4 January 2012 Cat Flap Charlie is unwell. Vet says that he has a heart murmur, a temperature and an infection. Refuses to purr. Vet tells us to hold his paws when force feeding antibiotics, so he wont scratch us. Charlie would not even scratch Margaret Thatcher. Not many cats can say that.
Seamus Has Left The Building
2 January 2012 New year’s resolution collapse. Don’t ask.
2011
1 January 2012 Faces of 2011 recorded by theses pages or otherwise taken by Mrs Monk on her travels throughout 2011
Recent Pictures of Monks
105,000 people passed this Newsagent Window last year. Place a free ad or find a bargain. No catch.
The Daily Sketch
Something appears here most days from the prolific pen or pencil of Mrs Monk and less frequently from Mr Monk, when Mrs Monk becomes less productive. A sketch is something produced in a fleeting moment or two of inspiration, not intended to be a finished work, but nevertheless too precious to be ignored. Artists like Tracy Emin make a career without ever progressing beyond this stage. Mrs Monk is currently impressed by Tracy Emin, now that Tracy has disclosed on TV, her very own private lapping swimming pool in the basement of her home. Mrs Monk also loves to do laps on a daily basis, and to count her laps, in a mermaid dream, but in a less than private swimming pool.
More 2012
Go to 2012, 2011B, 2011A , 2010, 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005 and 2004
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