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Mrs. Monk's Would-be Diary, should have been written by Mrs. Monk, since she is the "Writer" in the family.
However, since she is a writer only in the conceptual sense, I have undertaken to fill these pages on her behalf.
If not by her, these pages will certainly be about her, and other important matters of the day

Leslie Monk

Mrs Monk’s Would-Be Diary .........

Blood Sweat and Tears 5 May 2008

When I reported my cough to my Doctor, he sent me for an X Ray. The cough persists and this week I finally chased up the results of this X Ray.

The X Ray apparently revealed a perfectly normal set of lungs, and my doctor speculated that the coughing might be an allergy or a reaction to those yellow and white pills that had been prescribed for another condition. He sent me away having un-prescribed those pills which were, he explained, such a small dose that it would not make any difference anyway.

And what about all those other tests. He spent some time looking at his computer screen and decided that they had found a moderate condition, but not to worry and to go away.

That evening, I celebrated the good news and had a bowl of the previously banned devil’s very own Tutti Fruity Ice Cream.

Consequently, that night, the coughing continued, unabated.

Mrs Monk nagged me about coughing too much, as if I had some control over it. I would like to think that she was concerned about me, but I suspected that she was concerned about me, keeping her awake.

We made it to the dawn nevertheless and after a minor coughing spell while I checked my e-mail, I came across a small berry in my mouth.

I showed the small berry to Mrs Monk in the palm of my hand.

“What is this?” I said.

I squeezed the berry and blood smeared on my hand

“Oh my God!” she said. “That is a blood clot, and you are going to the hospital, right now”

“Wait a minute,” I said.

“You stupid man”, she said, “You do not fool around with blood clots. Oh my God?” she said. “Who is going to help me now, with all my problems?”

Since the surgery was closed, we went to the Accident and Emergency Department at the hospital, and after the inevitable wait we were invited to see a Doctor. I had learnt to ban Mrs Monk from all such consultations about me, because if she is there she tends to distract the doctor from the task in hand. On this occasion, she would simply not take “No” for an answer, She followed me into the consulting room even after I shut the door to keep her out.

This new Doctor decided that my persistent coughing had provoked the blood flow.. I had wrapped up the “Blood Clot” in a tissue and so I ceremoniously unfolded the tissue to show the Doctor the sample, but when all was revealed I was surprised to find nothing. “It’s gone” I said “What has happened to it?”

In fact the “blood clot” was there, but it had shrunk and dried up to the size of a pin prick.

I looked at Mrs Monk and then I looked at the Doctor and apologised for wasting his time.

“Not at all” he said let me show you your X Ray.

“This is all perfectly normal, ..... see?”

Mrs Monk looked over my shoulder.

“Are they his breasts?” She said.

The doctor smiled nervously.

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